Service

"It is impossible to get exhausted in work for God. We get exhausted because we try to do God's work in our own way." 

-Oswald Chambers

So easily, we as humans become exhausted. We grow tired, weary, worn out. Exhaustion comes all the sooner when what we aim to do is for the glory of God. This is when Satan sees his opportunity to corrupt us, give us selfish motivations, and weigh us down so that we become fatigued before God does a great work through us. At camp, exhaustion is guaranteed. When something so powerful as changing lives for Jesus Christ is at stake, Satan is working overtime to exhaust those following God's call. Yet when we truly rely on God and let our work be His, infinite amounts of strength invigorate us, replenish us, and erase all exhaustion. We are no longer doing God's work "in our own way." While there were plenty of times I felt the tug of exhaustion this summer, God kept reminding me to rely on Him. It was His call for me to serve Him and return all glory back to Him. Nowhere could I find any self-centered principle in what my summer was to be about, according to what God placed on my heart.

I felt that this summer, God was calling me to something more than what I had done before. During the interview process, I was given the challenge to "put myself out there" this summer - and I had no idea what that meant! But as the time for me to arrive at camp drew near, I felt God was calling me to something more than what I had done before. I was praying that God would use me not only to minister to the campers and do well the job that I was called to, but to also be a resource for the staff and step up in places that may not have been in my job title. Above all, I was yearning to serve. Soon, I began making lists (planning, of course - what else to be expected from me!) of what I felt God was calling me to do in my service this summer.

God Loves You

If there is one truth that I desired to instill on the hearts of my campers at Covenant Harbor Bible Camp this summer, it is this:

God loves you, 

no matter what, 

and He always will! 

There are so many things that I have the opportunity to experience at camp - enjoying the beauty of God's creation on the grounds of CHBC, hanging out and building relationships with kids of all ages all the time, having fun singing silly songs and playing crazy big games, forming relationships with fellow staffers, being in a community of believers striving for God's purpose in our work together, being challenged by God and growing in my own relationship with Him. But beyond all those things that I love about camp, by far my favorite is the chance to share God's love - in any way I can to anyone I can. There are so many stories I have from the summer about times when God completely took me over and allowed my work to let someone else be filled with His love. I don't think I could ever go back and recount all those times - there are simply too many of them! However, I know that I need to share one of the highlights of the summer -  a highlight that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Something Beautiful

Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want 

Something beautiful to touch me,
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees

I'm waiting for something beautiful

"Something Beautiful" by Needtobreathe might be the song that best describes my summer. I had the privilege of serving God as a camp counselor for the summer at Covenant Harbor Bible Camp in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. I feel so blessed to say that this summer, I was a part of something beautiful.

Having worked at CHBC the previous summer (not to mention volunteering the summer before, and countless experiences as a camper before that), I had mixed feelings about what I thought the summer would be like. I knew and was excited for the people I had grown to love from the '09 staff to be returning with me, albeit not all in the same roles. I was anxious and excited to meet the individuals who God had called to work there for the first time, or whom I had not had the chance to work with yet. I was mentally, physically, and spiritually preparing for another summer of being with campers and all the questions, stresses, and lack of sleep that come with the position of counseling. I was excited to see how, though I was returning to the same position as the previous year, God was going to do new and great things through me and our staff as a whole. So (a few days early to work on maintenance 'cause I just couldn't wait to get to camp!), I arrived back at camp feeling like I was ready for the summer. As accurate as I may have thought that statement was at the time, I now see that I was in no way close to being ready for what God did. At all.

Yearning

As I am in a new city, a new school, meeting new people, and experiencing new things, I cannot help but reflect on my college experience so far. In many ways, it was an extension of my time in high school. I was still living at home, going to the same church, keeping the same routine, serving in the same places.

I feel that while I have been content and joyful in my service, I am yearning for more. I look back and see the many ways I have been involved in service: Covenant Harbor, Awana, mission trips to Mexico, various church boards, Sunday school substituting, and many other random things. I have been pouring myself into my home church and finding ways to serve that are familiar, comfortable, easy. I am pleased and proud of the service God allowed me to do. But even through this, something was missing.

Though I was giving what I thought was much to God, I was not open to receiving all that I should have. I poured out to others from what was mostly my own well, and allowed God to fill me back up with the regular Sunday sermon or worship session. But that filling would only fill me enough to pour back to others, and I was left with a passive engagement with my Father. I found myself going to class and work (where I would shy away instead of being bold in my faith), serving in what ways I could, but in reality becoming a zombie in a routine of stagnant life. Yet through it all, I was content. I felt no remorse or longing for anything different - I found comfort in the comfortable, familiarity in the familiar. I was letting myself stop at the shallow surface of a once-a-week in-depth sermon that would just fill me spiritually for my week, occasional quiet time with God when I felt like it, scarcely dusting off my Bible, and a lukewarm prayer life. I was busy, but on the inside I knew that was a lie. Hours doing more homework than truly necessary, on the computer, or in front of the TV were how I filled my time instead of putting myself out there to meet new people, make new friends, or spend time with God, which is what I really should have been doing.

Purpose

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."   - Proverbs 19:21

I am a planner. I like to know what I am doing, where I am doing it, and when it will be done. The result is that I somehow end up with three planners for this semester. I plan for the known, I plan for the unknown, and I plan for plans B-Z if plan A doesn't go according to plan. So, of course, making a plan for what I hope this blog to be is only natural, right?

As much as I would like to sit here and describe what I plan for this blog to be, I know the truth is that I honestly don't know what I am doing here! I 'plan' to use this space to share what God is doing in my life with those who are willing to hear it. I'll explain at another time all that I have learned from God in the past few months, but I do know that I want those (and future) explanations shared. There is so much that God has taught me about myself, about Himself, and about those around me that are screaming to be told. I'm not going to claim that they will all be interesting, or even that all that I put in this space is going to follow a certain formula or method. I am just trusting that all that I might have planned would be taken away and that God's purpose be all that remains.